Poop Check

WASHINGTON - There is a great buzz about town regarding a new piece of legislation that some believe is about to be introduced in both the U.S. House and Senate. The legislation, commonly called poop check, would make the U.S. the true leader in transforming human habits to protect the environment.

The law would ban toilets from private residences. U.S. citizens would be required to use new, environmentally friendly, public toilets which would be constructed in every community. Union leaders are excited about this as the bill stipulates that all the construction work must be done by union workers. In addition a new union will be formed to represent the restroom attendants. President Obama has noted that the plan would reduce unemployment by 17%.

In addition to being required to use public facilities, people will be required to get a receipt from the attendant for each visit. Failing to get a receipt will be a $1000 fine per offence. The specially equipped toilets will measure both volume and weight as well as methane content. People will be required to include their toilet receipts with their tax returns. They will be charged a tax surcharge based on their output.

The principle architect of the legislation is Georgetown University biology professor Dr. Ennrico Filostrato. (Dr. Filostrato is the great grand nephew of the famed biologist of the same name who was involved in Britain's ill fated N.I.C.E. right after WWII) Dr. Filostrato, in commenting on this proposal stated, "This is the first and most important step we need to take to begin to sterilize this planet and make it truly fit for the higher life forms that will evolve in the years to come." Al Gore has already endorsed the proposal and has stated that he is the inventor of the new toilets.