Poop Check Flushed

WASHINGTON - As Americans are learning the details of the Poop Check proposal, there is a ground swell of grass roots opposition. The proposal would ban toilets from private residences and would require people to use newly constructed public toilets. This is proposed as a way to lower human impact on the environment. In some forms of the bill, taxes would be based on each person's output.

Members of congress have been dumped with phone calls from constituents who say, "Poop Check stinks." Opposition groups have also staged protests at town hall meetings with members of congress. At one town hall meeting a citizen showed up carrying a copy of the entire bill, which weighs in at 3666 pages. It has been noted that public restrooms in smaller communities, according to provisions on page 1836, would not be open twenty-four hours a day. Elmer Schmitzel, at a town hall with Russ Fiengold (D-Wis), explained why this would be a hardship since he suffers from prostate enlargement and gets up six times each night. Young mothers across the county have noted that this will play havoc with toilet training.

An even greater furor has been created by a clause on page 2856 which exempts congress from the provisions of this bill. Rep. Barney Frank (F-Mass) Frank denied that this was the case, until several constituents challenged him and cited the exact passage.

In addition, there have have been numerous claims that the proposal is unworkable. Fuller Comodious of John Potter & Associates Santiation Engeneering, stated that it would be impossible to construct a public facility large enough to handle the output of Capital Hill.